I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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