i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
