I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
