What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize