why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize