he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Randomize