I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Randomize
