I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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