he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
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