I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
