Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
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