Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
