Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
