ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Four minutes until I can fart!
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
