So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
