Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
