there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
