I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
