Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
