"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
