Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
how drunk are you?
Several
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
