I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
