He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
