Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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