I hate your face
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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