So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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