I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
