My nipple is on Facebook.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
