he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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