so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
