Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
