She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Randomize