i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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