Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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