Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Randomize
