He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
You left your phone here
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