btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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