i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize