His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Randomize
