I'll bet she douches with gravy.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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