We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize