im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
What did we do last night that was yellow?
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
