dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
