ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
