He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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