Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
