My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Just puked most of my soul out..
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
