next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
He has the fingertips of a God
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
