Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
