I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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