I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
