I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
