I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
