He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize
