I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
