Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
