There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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