I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
