dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
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