bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
