Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I need to calm my uterus...
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