Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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