1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Randomize
