Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
