did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Randomize
