Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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