The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
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