haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
How external is "for external use only"?
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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