the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
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