I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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