shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
