It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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