I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Randomize
