new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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