dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize