Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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