Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
