guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
