Ambien. No doubt about it.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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