shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
someone threw a dead crab at me
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Randomize
