If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
