I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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