i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
