I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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