anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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